im soaking the sun, sipping the air-conditioned room, relaxing my mind, while jamming my muscles to this song.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
on a break
im soaking the sun, sipping the air-conditioned room, relaxing my mind, while jamming my muscles to this song.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
titanium
"you shoot me down, but i wont fall, i am titanium"
David Guetta feat. Sia
what is courage? is it the strength to embrace your fears?or was it just simple idiocracy?
courage is best displayed in a life and death situation.either metaphorically or literally. the situation that kills you if things don't occur in your favour. courage plays a big role in such situations. the matter of scavenging your bits and pieces of strength and lay it all out.
does deception matter? does it count as a weakness or are we just just cunning? smart enough to evade the bullets from hitting us, spilling out the truth. truth that make us loose the things we grasp important in a matter of seconds.
does fate really intends to expose us? expose us to such harsh conditions that could ruin statues to dust. such encounters that may lift us as heroes. the angels and demons of our depth laughs as we make our decisions. like standing alone in that dusty colosseum. slayed or be slayed.
what is truth? it is the word we make up just to make us feel better? end those sleepless nights? or is it a knife that bluntly piercing the heart, severing minds and together with them bonds.
with arms wide open, i'll wait for you to come back. i'll spill the beans and give you the butcher knife. now its your decision.
David Guetta feat. Sia
what is courage? is it the strength to embrace your fears?or was it just simple idiocracy?
courage is best displayed in a life and death situation.either metaphorically or literally. the situation that kills you if things don't occur in your favour. courage plays a big role in such situations. the matter of scavenging your bits and pieces of strength and lay it all out.
does deception matter? does it count as a weakness or are we just just cunning? smart enough to evade the bullets from hitting us, spilling out the truth. truth that make us loose the things we grasp important in a matter of seconds.
does fate really intends to expose us? expose us to such harsh conditions that could ruin statues to dust. such encounters that may lift us as heroes. the angels and demons of our depth laughs as we make our decisions. like standing alone in that dusty colosseum. slayed or be slayed.
what is truth? it is the word we make up just to make us feel better? end those sleepless nights? or is it a knife that bluntly piercing the heart, severing minds and together with them bonds.
with arms wide open, i'll wait for you to come back. i'll spill the beans and give you the butcher knife. now its your decision.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
a plane.
dear naniey,
yes my bali experience is not complete as you have told me.the plane is one of the things that i failed to describe. documenting it was my first priority for it will be a good story. No, a great imagination.
I remember closing my eyes when the plane started to move. every flicker of my eyelids adds some dramatic thumps to the scene. my baggage were loaded successfully and my red camera bag were put onto my lap. pictures were taken freely while the seat restricted our movements. we sat in a row and i sat near the window. the sky was pitch black but the runway n LCCT was clear as a luminated garden for fairies.
coming to a halt, the attendants demonstrated the emergency procedures. things to do and not to do. Actions were demonstrated based on the recording that forced thier way through the speakers, the voice were rough. It was very exiting and funny since they looked as if they were forced but still smiled to ensure us of thier hospitality.
And the fun part begins.
Seat belts on, table set in place and not permitted to go down. electronics were kindly asked to be switched off by the air attendants. pacing back and forward like prefects ensuring that everybody was following the rules. i imagined the tyres rolling as the plane moved and i saw the wings flapped. the plane speeds. imagine when u press the accelerator on a car on an empty highway. the adrenaline, the fear, the enjoyment. heck it was better. i can feel the heavy metal lift off the ground, as if lighter than air. continue to ascend straight up to the sky. yes naniey, i smiled during the whole lift-off procedure. It was like riding APPA! in his restricted overpopulated back.
the sky was dark and still the ground glimmer. plane shifted to a degree and exposed the land to us. street lights were diffrent from the sky view. like veins on a leaf suddenly glow with the brightest light possible. along the way storms can be seen horizontally parallel to us. flicker of lights gone within seconds. the flourecent viens began dissapearing from sight and my eyes followed being engulfed in the dark.
upon reading the lotus eater, i need to pee-pee. it was a unique expirience as i can hear the air became vaccum inside the toilet plastic or ceramic as i flushed away my junk.
immigration forms were distributed and the pilot announces his thanks for riding with Air Asia. the speaker still pose a problem as the sounds were hard to decipher. or is it due to the language boundary?
yours sincerely, crpt.
"gotta have roots, before branches.
to know who i am, before i know who i wanna be"
-room for two.
these words have been haunting me for the past few days. after being stuck in books and memorizing notes for the past few months have kept me thinking, where am i?
things kept on piling up on me. like sands being thrown at you while u were lying down.sands heavy enough that could bury you. blinding you out of light. those knowledge passed down from our lecturers, like books in the library. don't know where they begin and where they end. like a house without a family, i feel empty with all that i had. how did i end up here? these songs that ive been listening to, how can i ever explain my choices?
today, ive decided to let it go. not waiting for my pseudo-holiday to end because waiting, will lead to no more than further nothing. imagine building a bridge that is empty of its floors. start afresh from nothing and begin piling up a new set of bricks. bricks that ive made them myself. that eventually became houses that i snuggle within comfortably. to be able to explain myself and my choices. this is all in pursuit of myself. the real me. hiding in the shadows, never surfacing. it is there but never fully seen.
p/s; its cool to have no title.
to know who i am, before i know who i wanna be"
-room for two.
these words have been haunting me for the past few days. after being stuck in books and memorizing notes for the past few months have kept me thinking, where am i?
things kept on piling up on me. like sands being thrown at you while u were lying down.sands heavy enough that could bury you. blinding you out of light. those knowledge passed down from our lecturers, like books in the library. don't know where they begin and where they end. like a house without a family, i feel empty with all that i had. how did i end up here? these songs that ive been listening to, how can i ever explain my choices?
today, ive decided to let it go. not waiting for my pseudo-holiday to end because waiting, will lead to no more than further nothing. imagine building a bridge that is empty of its floors. start afresh from nothing and begin piling up a new set of bricks. bricks that ive made them myself. that eventually became houses that i snuggle within comfortably. to be able to explain myself and my choices. this is all in pursuit of myself. the real me. hiding in the shadows, never surfacing. it is there but never fully seen.
p/s; its cool to have no title.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
i remember a dstant star beyond that distant sky
Dear Naniey,
staring to the distant light flickering through the flapping leaves made me recall our last nights in Bali. under the stars,above the rooftop we were amazed on what we have gone through this 7 magical days, or was it only me?
i avoid talking or even describing Bali since it was hard to confront those feelings. the first time ive been overseas, ride a plane and made a passport before that. the people looked the same,dark skin to tanned malay faces that ive come familiar while growing up but something about that island, it is as though the hooks that chain me to the ground have been detached and im free to float,as was peter pan.
but this written post were not specifically to appriciate Bali, but to appriciate the people whose in it when i was there. so here we go.
we arrived Thursday night near to Friday morning,so late until only few people were present at the airport. luggage were carried and i board the front car together with my lecturer and one mechanical engineering student. driver: Pak Nyoman. my eyes glimmer and searched the night for landmarks and landscapes. curious at every junction,not believing that my families are currently out of reach if any emergencies were to happen to me. for speeding, we were caught by the police but the conflict were quickly resolved.
the gates of Suarsena house was small and we were greeted by an elephant statue covered in small tattoes of moss. the guys were placed in one room of three and that is the first time i saw Dominick. he was reading a German novel about a murder. he worn a blanket over his thighs as the winds blowing to the veranda was cold and icy. his hair was a bit brown to blonde and we had a lovely conversation.
Dominick was a German scholar and was visiting bali with her *(i assume) fiance. we chatted endlessly though there were some awkward silences. beer bottles were accidently broken and foods were exchanged from rambutan to serunding. he is one of those guys whom i wish to see again in the near future through accidental encounters.
6 am and it was already like 7.30 in Malaysia.the sky was coloured white and i freshend up and prepared to click some early pictures. our first day was spend eating breakfast and venturing through the roads to kuta. i drove in Bali. not in the kind of cars that i usually drive, it was a family car. to put more stress the rural roads looked like one laned traffic and lorries and big cars maneuver through it like a boss.
Kuta was hot,money was spend and there is where we eat our first nasi padang. Teh botol was my choice of water and i love it till today.
Saturday, i went to meet my facebook and whassap friend Aditya Wisudarma. i waited him near the monkey forest and was so afraid of the monkeys there. jumping around and appear as if they were nightcrawler and teleport from one place to another.
Aditya brought me to do my reserch at oka coffee plantations and there is where i knew dewa, my informant. we chatted as i was asking endless question about bali traditional coffee. later on i was brought to kintamani and got a glimpse of the Tampaksiring paddy rice fields. it was an enjoyable flight across bali behind a local perspective.
the night dinner was prepared by using the "bunglow's" pot and and instant army style rendang. we ate it with bread and have fun with it.
the following days will be better described using pictures, but to sum up,i've met 6 engineering seniors that were awesome to accept me into their group and let me hang-out with them. We sang in cars, watched performances and laughed out loud!
I've also found a friend that were very supportive of my decisions and passion and gladly walk with me through the late evenings of the Bali skies. Thank you Hidayah. Thanks for trusting me if you know what i mean.
so lets go,to the pictures *(dun worry hudaXD,hudaCS and naniey,this is not the pictures u will be recieving)
p/s: awesome pictures were captured due to the curtosy of wan zul, the mechanical engineering seniors' 50mm. THANKS
staring to the distant light flickering through the flapping leaves made me recall our last nights in Bali. under the stars,above the rooftop we were amazed on what we have gone through this 7 magical days, or was it only me?
i avoid talking or even describing Bali since it was hard to confront those feelings. the first time ive been overseas, ride a plane and made a passport before that. the people looked the same,dark skin to tanned malay faces that ive come familiar while growing up but something about that island, it is as though the hooks that chain me to the ground have been detached and im free to float,as was peter pan.
but this written post were not specifically to appriciate Bali, but to appriciate the people whose in it when i was there. so here we go.
we arrived Thursday night near to Friday morning,so late until only few people were present at the airport. luggage were carried and i board the front car together with my lecturer and one mechanical engineering student. driver: Pak Nyoman. my eyes glimmer and searched the night for landmarks and landscapes. curious at every junction,not believing that my families are currently out of reach if any emergencies were to happen to me. for speeding, we were caught by the police but the conflict were quickly resolved.
the gates of Suarsena house was small and we were greeted by an elephant statue covered in small tattoes of moss. the guys were placed in one room of three and that is the first time i saw Dominick. he was reading a German novel about a murder. he worn a blanket over his thighs as the winds blowing to the veranda was cold and icy. his hair was a bit brown to blonde and we had a lovely conversation.
Dominick was a German scholar and was visiting bali with her *(i assume) fiance. we chatted endlessly though there were some awkward silences. beer bottles were accidently broken and foods were exchanged from rambutan to serunding. he is one of those guys whom i wish to see again in the near future through accidental encounters.
6 am and it was already like 7.30 in Malaysia.the sky was coloured white and i freshend up and prepared to click some early pictures. our first day was spend eating breakfast and venturing through the roads to kuta. i drove in Bali. not in the kind of cars that i usually drive, it was a family car. to put more stress the rural roads looked like one laned traffic and lorries and big cars maneuver through it like a boss.
Kuta was hot,money was spend and there is where we eat our first nasi padang. Teh botol was my choice of water and i love it till today.
Saturday, i went to meet my facebook and whassap friend Aditya Wisudarma. i waited him near the monkey forest and was so afraid of the monkeys there. jumping around and appear as if they were nightcrawler and teleport from one place to another.
Aditya brought me to do my reserch at oka coffee plantations and there is where i knew dewa, my informant. we chatted as i was asking endless question about bali traditional coffee. later on i was brought to kintamani and got a glimpse of the Tampaksiring paddy rice fields. it was an enjoyable flight across bali behind a local perspective.
the night dinner was prepared by using the "bunglow's" pot and and instant army style rendang. we ate it with bread and have fun with it.
the following days will be better described using pictures, but to sum up,i've met 6 engineering seniors that were awesome to accept me into their group and let me hang-out with them. We sang in cars, watched performances and laughed out loud!
I've also found a friend that were very supportive of my decisions and passion and gladly walk with me through the late evenings of the Bali skies. Thank you Hidayah. Thanks for trusting me if you know what i mean.
so lets go,to the pictures *(dun worry hudaXD,hudaCS and naniey,this is not the pictures u will be recieving)
p/s: awesome pictures were captured due to the curtosy of wan zul, the mechanical engineering seniors' 50mm. THANKS
before my final paper.
One lonely evening;
Huda: in a world where free time is abundant, if i ask you to do a take pictures of wildflowers, would you do it? haha.
Me:take me to a journey to the unknown,where forest blooms and mountains stomps n dear I will,from the simplest sky to the root of the problems.
Huda: and would you take photos of butterflies that greet with a flutter and songbirds that welcome with a warble too?
Me:and the crickets that orchestrate and the forest roof that glitters.every sight I see,I'll take into memory,including u darl the one that truly inspires me.
Huda:and we'll marvel at every shape and form the foliage takes, and laugh along the flowing river?
Me:hile enjoying a dip together in that blue flowing river. Let aphrodite jealous of your beauty when u rise from the dip of it.
Huda:and narcissus would scream in envy of your ineffable features. and persephone would cease to want adonis in your presence.
Me:oh dear,be my you to the me,be the milk to my coffee,the oyster to my shell. As I want to be entrapped in this world of our imagination, with you forever.
Huda:Never underestimate me, for I will form a world for us, where imagination is reality and there, we will forever be free.
Me:suddenly that fears me.let's die now and the memory can ever be beautiful.
Huda:jump off a bridge, shall we? and even our last plummet can be the epitome of beauty and tragedy
Me:I imagine a scene where we stared at each other while holding hands,happily accept the fate that we prefer imagination over reality,dreams over solid substance we call materials.
Huda:I will caress your sculpted cheek and say 'Honey, how happy are we?
Me:and I will smile,as I did before,the smile that you always adore. Je vous aime,et scay bien que mon mal est fatal, le coeur le dit assez, mai la langue est muette.
*all via twitter
Huda: in a world where free time is abundant, if i ask you to do a take pictures of wildflowers, would you do it? haha.
Me:take me to a journey to the unknown,where forest blooms and mountains stomps n dear I will,from the simplest sky to the root of the problems.
Huda: and would you take photos of butterflies that greet with a flutter and songbirds that welcome with a warble too?
Me:and the crickets that orchestrate and the forest roof that glitters.every sight I see,I'll take into memory,including u darl the one that truly inspires me.
Huda:and we'll marvel at every shape and form the foliage takes, and laugh along the flowing river?
Me:hile enjoying a dip together in that blue flowing river. Let aphrodite jealous of your beauty when u rise from the dip of it.
Huda:and narcissus would scream in envy of your ineffable features. and persephone would cease to want adonis in your presence.
Me:oh dear,be my you to the me,be the milk to my coffee,the oyster to my shell. As I want to be entrapped in this world of our imagination, with you forever.
Huda:Never underestimate me, for I will form a world for us, where imagination is reality and there, we will forever be free.
Me:suddenly that fears me.let's die now and the memory can ever be beautiful.
Huda:jump off a bridge, shall we? and even our last plummet can be the epitome of beauty and tragedy
Me:I imagine a scene where we stared at each other while holding hands,happily accept the fate that we prefer imagination over reality,dreams over solid substance we call materials.
Huda:I will caress your sculpted cheek and say 'Honey, how happy are we?
Me:and I will smile,as I did before,the smile that you always adore. Je vous aime,et scay bien que mon mal est fatal, le coeur le dit assez, mai la langue est muette.
*all via twitter
3 years later
dear Ali,
I was arrogant for leaving you on December 3rd 2009. Arrogant for not considering your feelings, your existence in my life. I was arrogant for not asking your opinion to go to japan to study business due to my mothers' forceful nature. and I was arrogant for not telling you properly that i will be doing the above things and that i love you.
The presence of Sandra made me weak. open up old wounds. She was my first love. two years above me and was the woman that i imagine to be with forever. We had a relationship of 3 weeks and one day. and that one day is the day that she left me. like i did to you.
the morning of my departure, Sandra and I saw each other, not intentionally or previously choreographed. It is out of poor luck. she said to me that there is a reason on why she left me and marry her current husband now. a reason that i would not comprehend until i do the same to the one i love. A foolish thing to say to a 20 years old guy that loves first hand experience at foolish mistakes.
Out of curiosity, i did the same to you. But this is a mistake that i would not regret.
It was awful of me to do this grousome experiment on you. Followed orders to go overseas and pursue the studies that was not intended for my mind to take. Leaving you in New York, unprotected, not that you needed my protection to begin with.
Days went slowly. Being apart from you sliced me to bits in the inside. Plunging my heart to the furiosity of a heated javelin, over and over again metaphorically. Its like the worst method of torture. Not able to see you, heightened my senses. Every glitch of long, red hair remind me of you. Every hymm of french classical music, sliced my tendons to pieces. Stopping me from my movements, imagining of what it would be if we were together.
the screech of pencil rubbing together with the micro-uneven surfaces of paper, made me miss you furiously.
this is what sandra meant. the thing that i would not understand unless i did it. the distance between you and me is perpendicular with the pain that i will ultimately feel unlike hers. Bringing to the ultimatum that i need you.
days went faster as i stalked your works. your work as a writer. imagining a scene where your fingers danced away as stimulus from your cognitive function translated into binary. your words are like medicine to me. listening to you talking to me simultaneously as i read your articles.
see me at our favourite park tomorrow evening, i will try my hardest to win you back Ali. I am not begging you to give me a second chance for redemption. i just want to see you again so that i can make you fall in love with me again, but this time, never letting go.
Adrian.
I was arrogant for leaving you on December 3rd 2009. Arrogant for not considering your feelings, your existence in my life. I was arrogant for not asking your opinion to go to japan to study business due to my mothers' forceful nature. and I was arrogant for not telling you properly that i will be doing the above things and that i love you.
The presence of Sandra made me weak. open up old wounds. She was my first love. two years above me and was the woman that i imagine to be with forever. We had a relationship of 3 weeks and one day. and that one day is the day that she left me. like i did to you.
the morning of my departure, Sandra and I saw each other, not intentionally or previously choreographed. It is out of poor luck. she said to me that there is a reason on why she left me and marry her current husband now. a reason that i would not comprehend until i do the same to the one i love. A foolish thing to say to a 20 years old guy that loves first hand experience at foolish mistakes.
Out of curiosity, i did the same to you. But this is a mistake that i would not regret.
It was awful of me to do this grousome experiment on you. Followed orders to go overseas and pursue the studies that was not intended for my mind to take. Leaving you in New York, unprotected, not that you needed my protection to begin with.
Days went slowly. Being apart from you sliced me to bits in the inside. Plunging my heart to the furiosity of a heated javelin, over and over again metaphorically. Its like the worst method of torture. Not able to see you, heightened my senses. Every glitch of long, red hair remind me of you. Every hymm of french classical music, sliced my tendons to pieces. Stopping me from my movements, imagining of what it would be if we were together.
the screech of pencil rubbing together with the micro-uneven surfaces of paper, made me miss you furiously.
this is what sandra meant. the thing that i would not understand unless i did it. the distance between you and me is perpendicular with the pain that i will ultimately feel unlike hers. Bringing to the ultimatum that i need you.
days went faster as i stalked your works. your work as a writer. imagining a scene where your fingers danced away as stimulus from your cognitive function translated into binary. your words are like medicine to me. listening to you talking to me simultaneously as i read your articles.
see me at our favourite park tomorrow evening, i will try my hardest to win you back Ali. I am not begging you to give me a second chance for redemption. i just want to see you again so that i can make you fall in love with me again, but this time, never letting go.
Adrian.
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