one more week.

*my sis and her tunang

i hope everything will go smoothly,i hope ur mariage will kekal dan bahagia selamanya.im looking forward to mariam junior and litle sharils.haha.goodluck!

a birthday present.

dear friend,

condensing my feelings into writable structure of words isn't really my thing. i usually see superficial cloaked textures,bounded by the movement of colors and dancing of silhouettes as my topic of inspiration, my bread and butter to all of my works.but this time, I'll give this a try.diving to the depths of my emotions instead of my brain to figure out the best words to convey to you in the simplest means that i can.

two people can never really be the same.n early impossible,only clones exist as equal in every standard possible to rate symmetry. but surprisingly, actions sometimes really exist in symmetry. taking advice from you is like talking to the mirror. you know what to do but you debate just for the sake of fulfilling ur lust for attention.well for the most part of it that is me.i just wanted to talk about it but have a masturbation paradox right after talking about it.i never listened to advices.more importantly how i hate taking advices from someone that offers the same consciousness as yourself.do you really exist?or am i just imagining things.

One of the real things that existed is the first words that you've asked me during our first social collision. "kau ayam chomell kan?"yes,the name.the name that makes me wanna puke in embarrassment. the name that instantly hook you as the immature kid that is slowly achieving adulthood, happy but at the same time immature.at school you were the interesting one.u cried over your additional mathematics schoolwork, but damned are you creative. whipping out birthday cards,with personalized messages as cute as a cupcake.even if your cards were edible i would keep them away,preserve it.

miracles do happen,how nurture cradles us in its warm embrace,making us somewhat similar in habbits and actions as the observers say.as common as i think we are,there are some flaws in my twin theory.one,we came from diffrent woumbs and two,you have more emotions than i have.but i think it really isnt about emotions, things just matters to you more than it did to me.u were sensitive,inside and out.how even the slightest use of wrong vocabulary will set you off.how you take care of everybody's feelings bottled it up until it explodes onto yourself.how you refuse to say no,when your heart says yes.that is what i have observed.how you try so hard,with the only hope that everything is going to be alright and miraculously it did.

the world matter to you more than me,and that is what sets us apart.im everchanging but you,just keep on being constant.and before i end this supposed to be short letter,i like to quote from my previous scribbles of words that i happen to jot down while keeping you in mind

"my advice for you,don't change.the woman that is characteristically enough to be my twin,dramatically enough for me to share meaningless stories with and insecure enough to remind me from loosing my way. the tears that you have shed made me fixed to my own reality. "enough fooling around" i say. that woman that have transcend from a high school brutal chick to a lady of her own class. a sister that is both wise and loving.

sometimes it feels good to be reminded of what we are.eventhough the words are as repititive as a broken cassette."

and for your future endeavors,i wish you ll the best of luck.be that point where others go to as reference.life is messy,just like an art-piece.the process is long and tedious,messy and confusing.but if you were to persevere and keep on track,chances are,you will succeed.

p/s ; faarkk,word vomit.i hope its not too long.after writing i feel drained.

for you my bitch,
ADAM

artsproject#1

hudaXD,this is for you.MIAHAHAHAHA

this is 50% hand and 50% computer,huda challenged me and some fellow companions to make artprojects and i said "i'll TRY making 30 objects by the end of the month" which is kind of impossible.so here it is,my starting point to out ramadhan art battle hudaXD.

p/s;i soo dont know how to arrange a death poster for my frenemies.haha

mom101

she walked to the market like a pro,after brisk walking in the local park. with eyes like an eagle eyeing its prey, postured like a gisele, fantastic and hauntingly beautiful. she scanned the whole area. locating the fishes, aiming the vegetables and identifying the slimy chicken area.

its worth a standing ovation for the talent that she present to me on that particular day;like a master chef she picked out a fish to be bought. after locating her favorite fishmonger selling the freshest fishes, she picked the gooey,scaly dead fishes by the tail and described the kind of dishes that would be suitable for each type. as if they all will be turned into a perfectly tuned gourmet for the inhabitants of my house to eat. in the greens section,she swiftly walked from cubicle to cubicle. how was she able to discriminate between those vegetables that i only see as clones that differ in leaf size,shape and some also colors. as if she have this x-menish ability that can detect harmful chemical levels,unsafe for human consumption and also between those that are fresh and otherwise.

oh how those fine lines of crows feet compliment her beauty and wisdom. creases of age on her subtle face makes her more knowledgeable at the same time fearsome. as if they were scarrs, presented on a samurai's skin result of surviving an epic battle.but may all these quality come together with instict of a mother and a wife because if it is not,then whom will i marry?

topple that bitch

being able to topple my adele post was something that i have hoped for. being able to introspect with great detail and present something worth debating is what i have hoped for. but this beating heart and screaming mind of mine wont allow it.draft filled with ideas that seem to be redundant,making me look pretentious,far from humble; words like "my friends are here to defend me" proves that i've lost that touch. first of all,i would mostly make it more dramatic befitting my melodramatic characteristics such as "take a bullet for me" or "stop the train from flushing blood out from my veins" and second of all was mostly because it is literally incorrect. i dont need them to do so. i just need them to be here, like a shadow, and hoped that they will be at the far side of the endpoint waiting for me.

finding words to be of exact meaning,perfectly sculptured of what im trying to portray was me thinking that either i'm an english poet or a politician hoping to woo the crowd, baiting for their votes.

as i write literally using my blue inked pen, on a medium lined page,reading back the passages crafted from these strokes of a floating handwriting technique, i found this unsure writer, searching for his muse, inspirations worthy of my identity ; having such hopes of being someone that is perfect and inspirational comes with a great deal of insecurity and doubt.

p/s;ive cleaned up some of my drafts and starting over,writing instead of typing.as i found that ideas flow,so we should ink it out before typing it out.HAHA

acceptance

"Ad ; aku jahat do.
Aid ; ape?ko tengok porn?ko jahat?"

i love u male-bitch.u know me better than voldermort knowing his spells.HAHA

p/s;the message isn't exactly like that.i forgot on how it sounds like.

najwa mahiaddin

ok fine,ur good ;)




ur going to be my next guniea pig,AWEH-SOME

internalmonologue

i wish i don't have a heart,that irregular heartbeats are killing me.i wish my brain was smarter,more optimistic. so that it will be able to combat this insecure-dumb full feelings. But how i wish i got you,being all flawed but keep on going, screaming out all the bitches name.

p/s; complete the draft u idiot.HAHA

near orgasmic movies.

imagine a point in life where you felt like everything falls into place, your problems finds its solution. peoples in your life fits into their best behavior for the day, making you breakfast, random people saying "hello" to you while you were on your way to work. you felt at ease, statuesque near the wooden framed window. Staring into the skies, how the blow of breeze calms you perfectly, how it brushes you through the face. even if for just one second,the wheel stop spinning, you stop moving, suddenly plunging yourself into the depth of what was as if satisfied and felt like being at the peak of your life.

imagine at one point,everything falls into place like how it was supposed to be. No chain of regrets, no formation of anger. stares into nothingness,as if the world isn't a living hell. you,your self satisfaction is all that matters. And when the long hand stroke slips away from its vertical mark, directed our eyes onto the first dot clockwise after, everything changes. Just a sudden fall of everything under the realm of gravity's pull, literally falls. plunging towards the very soil that held itself high in the first place. pulling every brick that tier up that 110-story building, ordering it to collapse. with you in it. how would you feel?how would you reacted?would your life just simply flashes in front of you? not knowing who or what causes incident.

how about we change the setting. what if you were the spectator. it doesnt matter who you are but yeah, your love one is in the collapsed building. how would you react?would you cry?would flashes of the memory you had with her travel through your brain as you try to cling on as much as possible. as you saw the collapsed building submitting towards gravity, you hoped that for one second that the scene you have just witnessed wasn't true,that this do not happens. as your heart continues on screaming NO,NO,NO, reality continues on to play by the second.

death do not confuse me, well most part of it anyways. my religion taught me well on that, but at the moment of death, that one second that became the boundry between living and dying, that confuses me. how would i have reacted. how should i reacted. what do we actually do on the verge of death? for example if im the guy in the collapsed building, would i cling on to whatever possible or just let things the way it is, following the pull of gravity,let it take my hand instead. and when facing someone else's death, am i apathetic if i decided to stay strong,not choosing to weep my fluids out?

p/s;ignore this post,this is what happens when you find yourself stuck,watching heartaching movies that suprises you,giving you goosebumbs.and yess, i have the tendency to overthink things, applicating it to my booring & pathetic life. *yaaawn*

corny and crappy lovestory

Stunning and amazing. The following blog post is about a bet or better yet a pact that an innocent chocolate loving guy made with a talented reader girl who loves to write. ADELE is the main topic of our discussion here. It’s like in glee where Mr Schuester gives the glee kids an assignment for the week.it was fun and fun at the same time.

People say to be able to picture something well, perfect composition, we need to put ourselves in that someone’s shoes for a change. Understanding their background and where did they came from. And to be able to write something good, we need to write about what we came familiar of. And from what I know, my dreams are real. Though it might not be a well-known scientist proven fact but the very least it is mine, mine to say it is true and declaring that it is false. I'm sure of myself more than the world is to me. And Adele lets me dream about things, drift away in my halcyon days even if the world is going to end. Although she didn't write most of these marvellous lovesongs, just,for 5 inutes,imagine that she did. through her life experience, the ups and downs of her own karma, came up with these wonderful set-lists of songs. Such as the song titled daydreamer, about a perfect someone, a guy that is too perfect to be true. ”a jaw dropper, looks good when he walks, he’s the subject of their talk” and how I wish to be that guy or if i'm a girl, that will be the guy of my dreams. to be able to stand for his nation as the lyrics of hometown glory say “show we aren’t gonna stand shit, show that we are united show that we aren’t gonna take it”. Having that solid view of what is right and wrong with strong confidence in his eyes, will melt anybody’s heart to stone. Amazingly, Adele have her debut album titled 19, well crafted.

Adele once said “My debut album is about being between 18 and 19; about love”. From shallow hopes and dreams of an observer. Hoping to be in love with that certain someone that glues you to the moment. Nail you to the spot, paralyzing you. THE girl that is able to stop time when she walks gracefully in front of you. But as I said before, dreams of an observer, it was never true in the first place. “u say my name like there could be an us, I best tidy up my head, im the only one in love”. And as you fall in love, the song crazy for you will be on queue. A song that is painted well in picturing someone that is head over heels. Screaming out his name, imagine that he is at your side and do anything that he say. As the lyrics was sung with strong emotion ”tell me to run and I’ll race, if you ask me to stop ill freeze”.

Imagine what I’ve been telling you, what you have read so far was a love story. About a girl, met with a perfectly figured charming guy, fell hopelessly down to her knees and the guy follows to be on her side. The guy accept her love, but the story don’t end with some happily ever after as all real life stories have been for the past few decades. And as love fades,bleached , between the gaps of air that is present between them, cold shoulder plays. The guy cheats and the girl starts to run. Deciding whether she needs to give up on the relationship or keep on running, one night of heartbreak after the other. looking downwards, chasing pavements. After “Time and time again I play the role of fool” she decides to leave the guy. Instead of hurting herself over and over again. she decides to leave. ”excuse me first love but im through”.

During the first few phases of separation , an emotional roller coaster ride to maturity occurred. The ups and down of your feeling to 21. To me the album 21 seems like a continuum of the first album’s lovestory that ended with the song titled first love. The second album seeps into the vulnerability of the human emotion. The ups and down of it. The songs are portrayed as if they were sponged out of people's emotion and mortalized to immortality. Songs like rolling in the deep and turning tables accepts what have happen, what was and move on. Blaming the other party, rejecting what might have been lost in the process but being strong as if they were insulted in the first place. At the same time, she tries hard to stand strong on her own two feet and walk away, keeping distance. But after walking for so long, somehow, someday we will eventually look back, to what was. And that tiny little dot of hope clings on to what could have happen if you have stayed.

Feelings that have kept you so strong for so long now put you to shame. Shame of things you have said to fuel your journey to forget him. Carved into new sentences of deeper feeling, feelings that were true such honest song were projected. Feeling that made you hope that he will came back. ”don’t you remember, the reason you loved me before?”. Am I the only one hurting, the only one scavenging for the happy memories of the both of us before to set up a warm blanket for me to endure this cold heartaching pain.

And after years of keeping distance from each other, you’ve come to a point where you was never going to get over him but at the same time you are through with the relationship. Imagine staring through a glass one day, standing inside it was the guy that you’ve once love. Seeing that he is happy and moved on. For him everything falls into place after you have left. But you keep on being alone, never forgetting your first love. your first kiss. even in the future all you hoped was finding someone like him.

But unknown for us, some songs have a deeper ,more meaningful meaning than what was said. He wont go, was about a couple, enduring one of her partners addiction to heroin and because of that she became inspired. The journey through rehab and how they stay together despite their separation. And lovesong is about when she misses her mother during her stay at Malibu. The song was sad as at that point of time, she really misses home. she sang it for her mom and she states that the song have lifted the heavy feeling that she have felt before. And lastly the song daydreamer was about his bi-boyfriend and I quote “Daydreamer’ is about this boy I was in love with, like proper in love with. He was bi and I couldn’t deal with that. All the things I wanted from my boyfriend, he was never going to be. I get really jealous anyway, so I couldn’t fight with girls and boys”.

Songs inspired you, epic songs make you feel lifted , make you get up all high and do crazy stuff. But rarely, a song can crawl into you deeply vulnerable heart, understanding it or capture that point of time and immortalize it for the whole world to hear. And kudos Adele for singing songs that made you wonder, that made you think. that made you find meaning in life, bringing justice to your falling heart without ever lying to them.

p/s ; And I might have made the worst most corny and crappy love story in history adele have already sung about this in a summary that is more elegant and UH-MAZING that what I have written. Adele – hiding my heart.

remember this.

"when we say things like,people don't change,it drives scientist crazy.because change is literally the only constant in all of science.
Energy,matter,its always changing.morphing,merging,growing,dying.its the way people trying not to change that's unnatural.The way we cling onto what things were instead of letting them be what they are.The way we cling onto old memories instead of forming new ones.The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that everything in this lifetime is permanent.
Change is constant.how we experience change, that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers,loosen our grips,go with it. It can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment, we can have another chance in life. Like at any moment,we could be born all over again."
-grey's anatomy,S7e1-

p/s;going away for some time ;))

random word vomit.

Being bounded by high school way of writing essays,yes that is how i write.well,my friend categorize me that way in every post that i have written so far.having its strict introduction,body and closing paragraph.well,i would like to think otherwise but baby,its fact *talking to myself*.Even the introductory to this post i have scripted it into my head for the last 5 minutes,walking up and down the stairs of my cream coloured home,together with all the rough ideas to the contents that follows later on.

is it wrong to be me?i think,plan and well vomit the product that i wanna see.it have been my way of thinking.they say to be able to write good,write about something that u know.well,come to think of it,i just dont know a lot of things,even my diary of "the things that i do today" that was written in the frontal lobe of my brain was full of blurrish images of me walking, sleeping and starring in front of the laptop.and even sometimes i tell people stories about myself,i'm just makking assumptions,assumptions that are not even constant.like a variable or an unknown that is present in the equation of my life.

as i sit here,typing my words out,i just wish that im such a good writer.to be able to describe the perfect colour combination of yesterday's sunset,to be able to picture the human emotion as if they were so easy to be read.i don't know the creative process of a writer,how thier creative juices flow from their cerebral cortex to the neurons innervating thier fingers giving them signals to type to thier keyboards.did they write in an impulse or is it planned?do each common words understood by commoners like you and me scribbled and replaced by words suiting thier degree in yale or what not so that it will be grand and astonishing.

as i bulimic-ally just vommited the words,forcing my brain to think harder,i pictured this post to be epic.picture it to be inspiring and influencing to the readers that reads my blogs to say "HAH!I should write like him".well,that epicness just have to wait since i just wrote digital rubbish into this column.even i dont know the purpose of this chunky bits of word dirrohea*enuff with the vommit already*

*hi-5 for a random note*

dreams.

i wanna live a dream,and continue dreaming,and even live with it.i'm always impressed on how a writer could capture a single moment in time,and put it in words.words that are as simple as having a toasted bread with peanut butter and jelly in the morning, composed it becomes epic and grand.But while having those grand appraisal from me,he still keep in check of reality,,as real as you and me.

"We stared at each other, and in that moment, I swear we were infinite, or only I." - chicken shit-

new products

after clearing out most of my acne problems and oily skin with some dry skin traces,my kiehls ultra facial clenser finished its last blow of medicinal care for my skin.

and after reaching home,with no money to by a new one,i cleanse my face with the acai toner using cotton from my mom's leftover stock.after days of peeling off the "daki" over my face and neck i boughtthe safi gamat just to fill the requrements of my clensing facial routine.

along with this i bought myself my long awaited rexonamen quantum spray deoderent even my rexonamen V8 medival way of deoderenting*(i mean roll on) dint finish cuz i love the scent of this grey-ish green little sprayng monstah.so thats it.

after exposing some of my shtuffves on the net,now i feel like a whore.HA

oh god,,i love him and her

old songs,made cover.and dude,,its a super cool one.one icecool eskimo pacific cool.



and with that,karmincovers u deserve my 1.5 thumbs up for making me swayin'
*(like i have the rights to rate someone,harhar)

tioman was FUN,FUN,FUN

one evening at toman*(one of my fave)

it wasn't as sunny when we leave that place,the sky was a bit cloudy but the ocean breeze was still nice.like riding a motorcycle with the speed of 30-40 kmph if i were to describe it.listed as ten of the most beautiful island,Tioman have it charms.
From the start of anticipating this whole holiday,waking up at 5 in the morning,driving before the sun rises,seeing the veils of the morning mist covers the road and the palm plantations,our journey starts with a mission to arrive at the mersing jetty.the ride was technically smooth,and the scenary was gorgeous.upon arriving at the destined place,we settled everything from the ticket for accomodation,ferry and even having our breakfast that was sponsored by Aidid's mom.if i have known it i would have eaten more.we were asked to pay rm5 per person for the marine park fee.This is to preserve the natural wonders of tioman.even before the ferry arrived at the jetty,i was nervous.nervous of weather i will get the mabuk laut or not.apparently i do fell a wee bit dizzy initially because the white ferry that carried us moved very slowly until the point that i can feel and picture each rocking and movement of the ferry in detail.but after a while when the ferry moved faster,i got the hang of it.
our stop at tioman was at "Kampong Genting".we are greeted by brother Hisham and he pushed our bellogings inside of a long wooden cart that seems to be man made.the moment that the orange juice slide through our throat,moisturising and hydrating it,we felt awed.the reception of our visit was truly amazing.after sleeping like nocturnals for quite a number of hours,in the evening we take a stroll through the village and the beach.
in the second day,after preparing to go to the breakfast,we took a nice shot of photographs.with the timer set on 10sec,we all smiled and anticipate the activity of the day.SNORKELING!
we rented all the equipments for snorkeling and board on the boat to take us there.the wether is nice and sunny.upon arriving to Pulau Rengis,i take the lead.slowly going out of the boat into the open seas.the first glance amazed me for eternity.though it was hard at first adjusting the snorkel and preventing yourself from drinking the sea water*(YUKS!),the sight of the fishes swimming at you,with the corals below were truly amazing.and i found out that if you stay still,in the water,the fish will come to you and look you in the eye.it was the same for our second snorkel site that is the marine park,only the fishes is bigger and hungrier.we finished at about 12 o'clock and later that evening,we go through cycling.although the bikes are a bit rusty and not safe,it was fun to have cycled up and down the roads that only have the size for bicycles and motorcycles.
in the night,we have our barbecue diner consist of barbecued things like fish,chicken and the best of it,lambs.so far for the two days there,i felt happy,and relaxed.the feeling when your sitting alone,on a rock,with music composed by the waves kissing the sand and the clear evening skies that is food for your eyes and lastly breeze of the ocean that explains how crystal clear yet mysterious the ocean is, was holiday to me.and this is all because my friends were there.we talked more on politics*(because one of us is intrested in them),expiriences of love,worries for the future and things that need to be fixed and advices that need to be shared.
as we are waiting for the ferry to arrive,feeding the fishes with cheezels and twisties*(because we run out of stocks of bread) is the moment to be remembered.the sight of sudden launching of the todak to its prey from far away is truly amazing.
the chapter of Tioman is done.One truly amazing and mesmerizing Tioman.

the guys responsible for my happiness at tioman;)
*(on our 2nd day)

p/s;the budget is only around 300 per person;)

its monday

its monday and this is the list of things that i did today ;

*woken up by my sis with the most laziest posture a human can ever made.
*make 4 toasted bread just like any other regular day.have a smal chit chat with my sis
*start the car
*reverse it
*switch to gear two and bla3.
*send my sis to work.
*go to A's house just to find out that he had have plans for today.start being worried of what to do.
*list to A what is making me worried randomly
*get out of A's parent's house and into my dad's car.
*decided to go to jusco bukit indah while trying to hold in my poop
*arrived at jusco.
*bought things for my holiday trip*(yeaaay!sumpah unnecesary things je beli)
*bought sushi,there is no small package of soy sauce for sushi sold.decided to gamble home hoping that there is any "sos kicap".
*oh frgot,message Ab and An about what sushi to eat for begginers and what power bar is good.well they replied late so i just go with my guts.
*arrived home,yeeaaayy there is "kicap masin" in the fridge
*watched kurosagi and bleach.
*at 5.15 got out of house to pick up my sis.but decided to go to shopping mall to search for something.
*arrived at shopping mall.bought a drink and a parking lot that cost rm2 for less than an hour.
*litsen to radio.the dj said "artichoke is offensive.bla3.imagine you go an airline company named "crash airlines"."
*LOL-ed
*msg H that she ought to litsen to this radio station upon arriving to JB
*pull the driver seat back while litsening to the radio.with open windows,legs up.reminding myself to write all of these events.
*my sister enter the car and drive all the way home.oh,,someone honk at me and i prevented a woman from jumping queue.and also forgot to metion that i danced ridiculously in the car and sang horribly too.

so thats how my DAY went,from dusk till dawn.

boys and girls,guys and girls.

yesss,i see many of my girl friends that complain about having to cook or clean thier house or whatever.and to let you girl out there know,we boys*(well most of it was mine) also have some tasks that we have to complete after reaching adulthood.

1.i have to azan for my parents leave to haj
2.kena belajar jadi imam.this is hard for me cuz i hate reciting aloud.cuz you see,i dun have THE voice.hha*(salah niat da ni)
3.become more responsible.
4.clear out acnes
5.manage monneh

wel actually 3,4,and 5 i just made it up.so girl.lets grow up together biaaatch!hha.

coolest people find ideas in the most unlikely places

"Home Sweet Home. Ever notice that photos in home catalogues always have an overly twee prop or two? A website called catalogliving.net decided they needed a backstory with fictional couple Elaine and Gary." - readers digest,april 2011 -

it is either they are bored in thier lives or that they are plain genius.see the story that they make,,superbly hilarious!

johor with the biggest J

date;11-12 may 2011

description ; the first step home,well,nostalgic.arriving at the rusty gates.the scent of the midnight sky with additional fresh lust of grass tint.entering the wooden door after arranging my grey crocs aside.while walking upstairs,my footsteps echoed and there she is,,lying on the mattress covering the floor.my mom hugged me and said "welcome home!".i quickly entered my room and the sound of the flowing waters from the filters of my aquarium give me the best feeling ever.quickly,i undress to my mere boxer shorts and slept happily through the night.

for your information,the above do not happen.the first place i lowered my head to that night isnt my home but at the back of the car.after eating i felt so damn tired.that feeling combined with the urge to stay awake make me sang a song i barely know half drunk.and the bed i crawl into that night isnt mine,it is A's.I accompany him home as i'm afraid that something will happen if i let him go to his home alone that night.

the next morning i was woken u by a call from dad asking "bila nak amik awak dan pergi renew lesen?".and at 11something i got into the blue kelisa after forcing A to open his eyes.after renewing my license *(while wearing yesterday's clothes) my father sent me home to an aquarium almost empty.there are still this java plant still growing happily and a cannibal fish*(a bottom feeder) that ate his own species.

after all the curses because of tirecy that i blowed off in my head,the dark coloured wooden bed of mine accepts me and we cuddle with each other untill i wake up once again.

-the end-

p/s;im working.ahhaha,and my results are so damn baaad.

updates

the above is the reason why i dun update my blog just yet*(a picture from nataliedee)

demi huda,aku buat bende ni.ok huda,,this is more than one word.

p/s;wait for thurs or tues where i'll update my blog,

umpha loompaa

ok up down turnaround,,that is what's happening to me since the last post,dun underestimate words,they can make u or break you.

ok,will be posting my creative outputs after the finals k,so u just wait.hha.bye!

kids are so innocent;)

ok,been a while seen i last posted,this happen that happen and we stumble upon today.do i look at the past?yes,do i regret it?no

so today i just randomly browse through the youtube and stuble upon the below video.at first thekids were just like commenting on famous youtuber star.which one's boring and which one is super damn awesome.i find the first youtuber to be superly annoying.

and as the video proceeds,we can see the mindsets that have implanted in thier minds,even in small age.they despise ridiculous things,even if it were people,and there's a comment i would like to highlight here ;

narrator ; why do you think he/she is famous?
kid ; because she does stuff that people wouldnt really do,they're kind of too shy to so they would wanna see someone else do that.

and in my opinion,she have a point.we came to live in a society that constricts wierdnes and isolate them so that they wouldnt grow,and some of these wierd people will be supressed of thier true identity and became the next stanford wives that live in this world.so im very glad that my friends all appriciate wierdness and they rarely judge,what we do,say and dress up like,we souldnt be too self conscious and restrict our self from thinking of the possibilities that we can achieve in our life.

and so,be yourself,do what you wanna do*(within limits of rights and wrong,,and by the way,even ethics is relative) and dont judge others if you dont wanna them judging you,,



peace out!

bahasa

sori,tak mengupdate blog untuk beberapa minggu ni,buzy with test.n stupid korean series,ure making me addicted.demn,k,hav a nice week;)

edward cullen-ish?

today i mysteriously logged in into my facebook page*(although i hav promised not to do that except on Saturday and Sunday).and one of my friend named isamuddin tagged me in one of his post.it was a link to his blog that hav most of our close related friends tagged also.an yup,because i was damn bored i read the blog post without delay.

it was a blog post with two pictures inserted titled "5B & 5M".it is a post about his most cherished girlfriends and boyfriends*(and i do mean literally FRIENDS) and it have me included *(yeayyy).although some of the facts were wrong*(he stated i don't want to hav a mate until i've finished pharmacy.but the truth is until the age of 26/28.bahahaha) but it me feel the warm,fuzzy feeling that you feel when you grabbed your favorite blanket on a cold sunday morning.especially when i've been reading it with an Anuar Zain background music that sounds so touchy.and that feeling can be achieved through appreciation.

ask naniey how am i before.i always ask her about whatever that she feels after hannging out with me.back then i call it post mortem and now i just realized it have a synonym called insecure.and now instead of asking "what do you feel when hanging out with me,walking with me,talking and etc."*(i may be exaggerate a bit),i just keep in touch with her and you know what?so far,so good.

but as human being,sometimes we have the need to know wht people think about us,wether we suk or what.or are we being appriciated.sometimes a simple thank you or appriciation can go a long way.it's one of the simple words that can make you smile all day,without no reason at all.but asking for it seems a bit needy*(i dont mean it in a bad way,and as a man i have an ego to protect.haa).so as a friend,just say thank you,or a random-cute *bluekk* will make the other party felt appreciated.it shows that we appreciate them.(and i spelled appriciated wrong twice)

and to all my friends,that have been there for me,even pergi lepak je,i dedicate this quote,phrase,cut or whatever you call it from the january 2011 edition of readers digest,page 88 that says ;

"people say you can't choose your family, but if i have filled out a request form for the perfect sister-soul-mate-friend i couldn't have been more blessed than i am in having you in my life"

p/s;bahahahaha to all of you and happy maulidur rasul;)and lastly ABIGFATTHANKYOU

about him

this story is not about me making a mountain out of a mole hill,but it's just me try stating a fact that "we learn things from one another"

yes,from the first moment that my friend complained about his ethics,my gut instinct says that "ooo,damn.he's born from hell".yes,i have that tendency to follow what my friend says about a certain someone,even the littlest thing like "he's bad" can influence me if not immediately,,but through time i'll be affected.
With his spiky hair ( the kind of hair fashion that reminds you of you school days),his i-don't-care-about-you attitude,he sets me off sometimes.and in argument,I always feels as if i wanna punch him in the face for making an unreasonable debate about some facts that he strongly believe is true but at the same time,all the synonyms to the facts is wrong to him.dammit.just how irritated i am with this kind of behavior.
so like always,i treated a human flesh like a human flesh.nothing more,nothing less.he's just a human flesh that happens to be at the same place at the same time as i am.no hugging,not the usual kind of me*(the one that's screams excitedly when i see my friends)

but within this irritating monster from the depth of hell,i learned something from him.yeah,i lean on how to accept human faults and move on.but the most surprising thing that i've learned from him is my now pen-handwriting.
usually before this i prefer to use pencil instead of using a pen.although i dreamed of using pen.but to me,pencil is more versatile,u can rub it off,make shades with them and many more things that are variable in the context of a pencil.but this irritating bastard*(sorry for the langguage,im kind of highly influenced by raywilliamjohnson right now) does something that i'm fascinated about in his handwriting.he writes so disorderly that it seems beautiful.the kind of writing that you expect from a mature person.the strokes that says "i dont care about how my writing will turn out like" and the slight pressure of proffesionalism*(you know what i mean don't you?).oh how i longed for the strokes to be mine some near in the future.
with this fetish,i tried to copy silently by looking at his writings.at first,i bought a pilot G-1 100 with the colours of black and blue.it was difficult as the "dakwat-basah" is very wet.sometimes it smudges my test pad*(and today it managed to make a mole at my face).but as time went on,,i tried having this concept in my head while writing."be confident,don't think,just do,i don't care bout how you turned out,i just wanna see the words flow through".and it work,well kind of;)
and to this date,ill be trying to perfect my handwriting orchestra of fonts so that mine will be on par with the man that i hate but learned from.

as i said before, "we learn things from one another.people that we see everyday,little that we know,they make an impact to our lives.they teach us something.weather it is significant or not.it's only in the matter of how you look at things."

what ive gone through

this post is dedicated to the national pharmacy sports carnival (NPSC) that was held at USM on the last 29th and 30th of January 2011 ;

ok been writing and backspacing whatever ive putted in words for the past 1/2 hours.no idea,AT ALL i tell you.well these are some of the things i jot down in my note book about on what to write on this post,hope you guys understand what i'm trying to convey and till next time.

"to win is not to be happy of what u've achieve there and then.but to be grateful of making the choices that make you to the present.this win,is only one of the many achievements that you can make in life.dun let it make you arrogant,feels too at peace and ignorant"

"to loose is not pain.it's one of the sweets that existed in this corrupted world.without loosing,the sweetness of victory can't be savored.u've tried hard,but next time,try harder.laugh out all your failures,and there will you find friends.the one to laugh it out with you."

"don't make the fear of loosing overwhelms you.dun let the win make you blind of future obstacles.truth be told,life's the biggest game there is.and that game is not about winning and loosing.its the game of regrets and satisfaction.and at the end of the road,the thing that you hope the most is happiness"

"make a cup of tea.the tea is the challenge,and the failures will be the sugars you put in it.and when you drink it it will be success"

p/s;my team lost the vollyball comp but overall,the NPSC UM team got 3rd place.booyah!

guardian protector

thanks to naniey,ive tried this quizz,and god itsnt it 80% accurate,,so this is what it told bout me,happy reading ;

You are observant, cooperative, informative, and attentive. You are greatly concerned with the security of others and you often find assisting the downtrodden or people with disabilities to be satisfying. You also find personal fulfillment in ensuring the safety of others and may be attracted to jobs that enable you to do this as a medical practitioner or insurance agent. You are also quite skilled at executing routines and this enables you to be skillful in jobs that require conservation skills such as a curator or police officer. You are thorough, frugal and you abhor the squandering of material resources.

You are comfortable working alone and you are often uncomfortable being in positions of authority. When you are in positions of authority, you often try to do everything yourself. You have a very strong work ethic and this can lead you to be overworked. The least hedonistic of the role variants, you are willing to complete jobs other role variants manage to avoid, especially if it enables you to help those in need.

You often talk about daily life and every day concerns; however, you are not as sociable as other role variants. You tend to be talkative only among a close circle of friends. Your shyness with strangers can make you seem to be cold even though you are often warm and sympathetic. You are often undervalued as your commitment to security and your economies are often taken for granted.

You value traditional ways of doing things and are not interested in experimentation or speculation. You deeply value family history, heirlooms and property as well as cultural norms and traditions. You firmly believe in the stability offered by credentials, titles, offices, birth and other forms of traditional authority. You dislike situations where the rules are constantly changing.

Famous Protectors include George H.W. Bush, Jimmy Stewart, and Mother Teresa.

forget waiting,just take it.

the following event happens last Wednesday.

i go to buy some food at the hospital's store near "farmasi pesakit luar".and in my usual morning mood i sat down and ate my rm2 bread with nescafe black roasted coffee.lots of things passed through my mind as i doze away in this normal morning.

about halfway finishing my morning delicacy,a female stranger sat beside me,well she is beside me exept for the fact that my so called "near" is about 3-4 seats away from me.but stil,i can see her flawless skinned son exited,jumping around excitedly.then i kind of stared.the kind of stare that will make you think that i'm a pedophile.actually i was waiting for her son to look and me n i will give him my award winning smile,together with the simple-introductory "HI" with a little wave of hand from left to right.then i'll begin talking with the mother asking "how old is he","how does he get so fat*(a cute kind of fat)", and some statements that say that he is super cute.but as always,the expected reality is not the same as the real reality.he never looked at me,even a glance is so hard to catch.

part two happen directly after with a very diffrent protagonist.firstly the gender was diffrent,skin colour and obviously percentage of fat.but what she had that i din't have is that she came directly to the little boy the same way an eagle will to approach its prey.she didn't wait for a que and start touching the boy as if he is her own son.although the boy didn't respond and the mom left moments later*(maybe she felt annoyed,i'll do to if she was touching mine out of the blue) but the way this female lead actress do things sets me thinking.

i waited for the right moment to act and she just do it,maybe that's the long lost confidence that i've been searching for.i usually wait for people to approach me,give a green light and then I'll respond accordingly.waiting instead of just plunging towards nowhere.i was afraid to put myself on the map and i kind of felt related with the quote from easy a movie that says "if i was a 16 story tower,even google earth couldn't find me on the map" .maybe i should just take chances and stop calculating succes and failures and just be ready for failures as the teach us more in life than success will ever do.

so this should be put in my 2011 missions along with update my blog regularly,make my skin better,towards a healthy diet and be a good son*piiyyahh.

p/s;two or three posts more and i'll make this blog permeable to my friends,let them know that i have a blog.and that action accounts for one of my missions in 2011 that is to take chances;)

by the way,i've been too preachy lately,,pifft

i look at the brits,i love the japaneese but still i love to be a malaysian.

"hujan batu di negeri sendiri,hujan emas di negara orang,lebih baik hujan batu,,blah3!"

ok,,ternyata aq lupaa peribahasa yang aku cuba ungkapkan kat atas.but still,after more than 10 years of hearing that idiom and using it every time i wrote a BM essay,still i didn't understand what it means.

well for starters,if there is a choice between taking the free rocks and the shining-worth-a-lot gold,,i will still choose the latter instead of the gray colored rocks.but i will sure return to my hometown and use the gold at will for the benefit of humanity.hhah.*poyo gile ayat.

ok but the story is this,,a loong-loong time ago i was eating at the food court of my faculty and somehow get rather exited over this new ice-cream stall*(i have this thing for sweet things).accidentally i left my water bottle there.the kind of water bottle that you would expect from a kid who got forced to go to school and hi mom bought him this very cute,adorable with contrasting colors of green and red cap.*(try go to jusco and to the bottles > bros > 750ml,,you will find the above describes water bottle).and,yes i do post this on my status*( if you follow my facebook page).
after realizing that i said to myself "ahh,biarlah.confirm hilang punya,pifft.botol BARUU!".hha.but hey,,i love that bottle ok.

but then,the next day i ate at the same food court again and guess what*(wow,,you're a very good guesser!applause!!) the bottle is there.and that moment i said to myself,,so malaysia isnt corrupted as i thought it will be.i thought the makcik cleaner akan amik and use my bottle for her own good.to fill it with water cooler water or daily nescafe with coffee mate.hhah

but the thing is,there is still some malaysians that you can trust,for instance,this is one of the comments that my friend wrote under the status that i've made

".kalw kaw tertinggal botol,aritu aku tertinggal rm20 kat cafe,then i didn't come back because i know,confirm dah kene kebas.after a few days kan,ader note tampal kat dinding,"sesiape hilang rm20 pade 5jan,sile tuntut di kaunter".awwww.yeah,there's still people we can trust in this whirl:))))"-sitiamananibteselamat

maybe its not malaysia that is corrupted,its our mindset*(ok i admit that mine was pretty negative towards malaysians and now i appologize for it).if we change our mindset and be more optimistic bout things,things can change and damn well it must be cause my bottle prove it right dudes!

and for that i declare,muhammadadam sayangkan Malaysia.biarlah takda artis terkenal,or the most cleanest highway,ataupun kereta mewah yang layak dibanggakan seperti porche.but malaysians still got heart and that worth more than any dollar amerika yang ada di bank dunia dan FULLSTOP

p/s;raaawer;) 15/16 january,i'll remember you always;))

someone must have something to tell

"life have its purposes.more than just to life and pas by.to learn something and to share everything."

i have no idea on how to write a blog actually.im kind of a psycho-perfectionist-bitch in a way.deleted my previously opened blog because it felt empty and no better info to share rather than my uninteresting-midlife-crisis.then this new blog came n well,nothing changes.the ever so uninteresting-boring-typical aura clouded this blog for a while now.even normality is waaay better than this.
but come to think bout it,there are many people in the world.people that have stories that i don't have.stories of breakdowns,success,failures,breakups and also happy endings.so a new vision and vision.to explore the worlds through my eyes but directed by people around me.i will try,no success in waiting and no failure in trying.stories to tell,stories to show.begin and end not under my control.