mom101

she walked to the market like a pro,after brisk walking in the local park. with eyes like an eagle eyeing its prey, postured like a gisele, fantastic and hauntingly beautiful. she scanned the whole area. locating the fishes, aiming the vegetables and identifying the slimy chicken area.

its worth a standing ovation for the talent that she present to me on that particular day;like a master chef she picked out a fish to be bought. after locating her favorite fishmonger selling the freshest fishes, she picked the gooey,scaly dead fishes by the tail and described the kind of dishes that would be suitable for each type. as if they all will be turned into a perfectly tuned gourmet for the inhabitants of my house to eat. in the greens section,she swiftly walked from cubicle to cubicle. how was she able to discriminate between those vegetables that i only see as clones that differ in leaf size,shape and some also colors. as if she have this x-menish ability that can detect harmful chemical levels,unsafe for human consumption and also between those that are fresh and otherwise.

oh how those fine lines of crows feet compliment her beauty and wisdom. creases of age on her subtle face makes her more knowledgeable at the same time fearsome. as if they were scarrs, presented on a samurai's skin result of surviving an epic battle.but may all these quality come together with instict of a mother and a wife because if it is not,then whom will i marry?

topple that bitch

being able to topple my adele post was something that i have hoped for. being able to introspect with great detail and present something worth debating is what i have hoped for. but this beating heart and screaming mind of mine wont allow it.draft filled with ideas that seem to be redundant,making me look pretentious,far from humble; words like "my friends are here to defend me" proves that i've lost that touch. first of all,i would mostly make it more dramatic befitting my melodramatic characteristics such as "take a bullet for me" or "stop the train from flushing blood out from my veins" and second of all was mostly because it is literally incorrect. i dont need them to do so. i just need them to be here, like a shadow, and hoped that they will be at the far side of the endpoint waiting for me.

finding words to be of exact meaning,perfectly sculptured of what im trying to portray was me thinking that either i'm an english poet or a politician hoping to woo the crowd, baiting for their votes.

as i write literally using my blue inked pen, on a medium lined page,reading back the passages crafted from these strokes of a floating handwriting technique, i found this unsure writer, searching for his muse, inspirations worthy of my identity ; having such hopes of being someone that is perfect and inspirational comes with a great deal of insecurity and doubt.

p/s;ive cleaned up some of my drafts and starting over,writing instead of typing.as i found that ideas flow,so we should ink it out before typing it out.HAHA

acceptance

"Ad ; aku jahat do.
Aid ; ape?ko tengok porn?ko jahat?"

i love u male-bitch.u know me better than voldermort knowing his spells.HAHA

p/s;the message isn't exactly like that.i forgot on how it sounds like.

najwa mahiaddin

ok fine,ur good ;)




ur going to be my next guniea pig,AWEH-SOME

internalmonologue

i wish i don't have a heart,that irregular heartbeats are killing me.i wish my brain was smarter,more optimistic. so that it will be able to combat this insecure-dumb full feelings. But how i wish i got you,being all flawed but keep on going, screaming out all the bitches name.

p/s; complete the draft u idiot.HAHA

near orgasmic movies.

imagine a point in life where you felt like everything falls into place, your problems finds its solution. peoples in your life fits into their best behavior for the day, making you breakfast, random people saying "hello" to you while you were on your way to work. you felt at ease, statuesque near the wooden framed window. Staring into the skies, how the blow of breeze calms you perfectly, how it brushes you through the face. even if for just one second,the wheel stop spinning, you stop moving, suddenly plunging yourself into the depth of what was as if satisfied and felt like being at the peak of your life.

imagine at one point,everything falls into place like how it was supposed to be. No chain of regrets, no formation of anger. stares into nothingness,as if the world isn't a living hell. you,your self satisfaction is all that matters. And when the long hand stroke slips away from its vertical mark, directed our eyes onto the first dot clockwise after, everything changes. Just a sudden fall of everything under the realm of gravity's pull, literally falls. plunging towards the very soil that held itself high in the first place. pulling every brick that tier up that 110-story building, ordering it to collapse. with you in it. how would you feel?how would you reacted?would your life just simply flashes in front of you? not knowing who or what causes incident.

how about we change the setting. what if you were the spectator. it doesnt matter who you are but yeah, your love one is in the collapsed building. how would you react?would you cry?would flashes of the memory you had with her travel through your brain as you try to cling on as much as possible. as you saw the collapsed building submitting towards gravity, you hoped that for one second that the scene you have just witnessed wasn't true,that this do not happens. as your heart continues on screaming NO,NO,NO, reality continues on to play by the second.

death do not confuse me, well most part of it anyways. my religion taught me well on that, but at the moment of death, that one second that became the boundry between living and dying, that confuses me. how would i have reacted. how should i reacted. what do we actually do on the verge of death? for example if im the guy in the collapsed building, would i cling on to whatever possible or just let things the way it is, following the pull of gravity,let it take my hand instead. and when facing someone else's death, am i apathetic if i decided to stay strong,not choosing to weep my fluids out?

p/s;ignore this post,this is what happens when you find yourself stuck,watching heartaching movies that suprises you,giving you goosebumbs.and yess, i have the tendency to overthink things, applicating it to my booring & pathetic life. *yaaawn*

corny and crappy lovestory

Stunning and amazing. The following blog post is about a bet or better yet a pact that an innocent chocolate loving guy made with a talented reader girl who loves to write. ADELE is the main topic of our discussion here. It’s like in glee where Mr Schuester gives the glee kids an assignment for the week.it was fun and fun at the same time.

People say to be able to picture something well, perfect composition, we need to put ourselves in that someone’s shoes for a change. Understanding their background and where did they came from. And to be able to write something good, we need to write about what we came familiar of. And from what I know, my dreams are real. Though it might not be a well-known scientist proven fact but the very least it is mine, mine to say it is true and declaring that it is false. I'm sure of myself more than the world is to me. And Adele lets me dream about things, drift away in my halcyon days even if the world is going to end. Although she didn't write most of these marvellous lovesongs, just,for 5 inutes,imagine that she did. through her life experience, the ups and downs of her own karma, came up with these wonderful set-lists of songs. Such as the song titled daydreamer, about a perfect someone, a guy that is too perfect to be true. ”a jaw dropper, looks good when he walks, he’s the subject of their talk” and how I wish to be that guy or if i'm a girl, that will be the guy of my dreams. to be able to stand for his nation as the lyrics of hometown glory say “show we aren’t gonna stand shit, show that we are united show that we aren’t gonna take it”. Having that solid view of what is right and wrong with strong confidence in his eyes, will melt anybody’s heart to stone. Amazingly, Adele have her debut album titled 19, well crafted.

Adele once said “My debut album is about being between 18 and 19; about love”. From shallow hopes and dreams of an observer. Hoping to be in love with that certain someone that glues you to the moment. Nail you to the spot, paralyzing you. THE girl that is able to stop time when she walks gracefully in front of you. But as I said before, dreams of an observer, it was never true in the first place. “u say my name like there could be an us, I best tidy up my head, im the only one in love”. And as you fall in love, the song crazy for you will be on queue. A song that is painted well in picturing someone that is head over heels. Screaming out his name, imagine that he is at your side and do anything that he say. As the lyrics was sung with strong emotion ”tell me to run and I’ll race, if you ask me to stop ill freeze”.

Imagine what I’ve been telling you, what you have read so far was a love story. About a girl, met with a perfectly figured charming guy, fell hopelessly down to her knees and the guy follows to be on her side. The guy accept her love, but the story don’t end with some happily ever after as all real life stories have been for the past few decades. And as love fades,bleached , between the gaps of air that is present between them, cold shoulder plays. The guy cheats and the girl starts to run. Deciding whether she needs to give up on the relationship or keep on running, one night of heartbreak after the other. looking downwards, chasing pavements. After “Time and time again I play the role of fool” she decides to leave the guy. Instead of hurting herself over and over again. she decides to leave. ”excuse me first love but im through”.

During the first few phases of separation , an emotional roller coaster ride to maturity occurred. The ups and down of your feeling to 21. To me the album 21 seems like a continuum of the first album’s lovestory that ended with the song titled first love. The second album seeps into the vulnerability of the human emotion. The ups and down of it. The songs are portrayed as if they were sponged out of people's emotion and mortalized to immortality. Songs like rolling in the deep and turning tables accepts what have happen, what was and move on. Blaming the other party, rejecting what might have been lost in the process but being strong as if they were insulted in the first place. At the same time, she tries hard to stand strong on her own two feet and walk away, keeping distance. But after walking for so long, somehow, someday we will eventually look back, to what was. And that tiny little dot of hope clings on to what could have happen if you have stayed.

Feelings that have kept you so strong for so long now put you to shame. Shame of things you have said to fuel your journey to forget him. Carved into new sentences of deeper feeling, feelings that were true such honest song were projected. Feeling that made you hope that he will came back. ”don’t you remember, the reason you loved me before?”. Am I the only one hurting, the only one scavenging for the happy memories of the both of us before to set up a warm blanket for me to endure this cold heartaching pain.

And after years of keeping distance from each other, you’ve come to a point where you was never going to get over him but at the same time you are through with the relationship. Imagine staring through a glass one day, standing inside it was the guy that you’ve once love. Seeing that he is happy and moved on. For him everything falls into place after you have left. But you keep on being alone, never forgetting your first love. your first kiss. even in the future all you hoped was finding someone like him.

But unknown for us, some songs have a deeper ,more meaningful meaning than what was said. He wont go, was about a couple, enduring one of her partners addiction to heroin and because of that she became inspired. The journey through rehab and how they stay together despite their separation. And lovesong is about when she misses her mother during her stay at Malibu. The song was sad as at that point of time, she really misses home. she sang it for her mom and she states that the song have lifted the heavy feeling that she have felt before. And lastly the song daydreamer was about his bi-boyfriend and I quote “Daydreamer’ is about this boy I was in love with, like proper in love with. He was bi and I couldn’t deal with that. All the things I wanted from my boyfriend, he was never going to be. I get really jealous anyway, so I couldn’t fight with girls and boys”.

Songs inspired you, epic songs make you feel lifted , make you get up all high and do crazy stuff. But rarely, a song can crawl into you deeply vulnerable heart, understanding it or capture that point of time and immortalize it for the whole world to hear. And kudos Adele for singing songs that made you wonder, that made you think. that made you find meaning in life, bringing justice to your falling heart without ever lying to them.

p/s ; And I might have made the worst most corny and crappy love story in history adele have already sung about this in a summary that is more elegant and UH-MAZING that what I have written. Adele – hiding my heart.

remember this.

"when we say things like,people don't change,it drives scientist crazy.because change is literally the only constant in all of science.
Energy,matter,its always changing.morphing,merging,growing,dying.its the way people trying not to change that's unnatural.The way we cling onto what things were instead of letting them be what they are.The way we cling onto old memories instead of forming new ones.The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that everything in this lifetime is permanent.
Change is constant.how we experience change, that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers,loosen our grips,go with it. It can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment, we can have another chance in life. Like at any moment,we could be born all over again."
-grey's anatomy,S7e1-

p/s;going away for some time ;))